Birth Story Part 3

If you missed part 1 click here and if you missed part 2 click here!

Chris finally managed to calm me down enough to where I was breathing normally again and I just closed my eyes and hated the world and argued with God until Doctor Tate showed up.  I wish I knew the time he came - but I think it was around 7:30.  I just kept my eyes closed while he checked me again (all this "checking" by the way is REALLY painful!  I was NOT prepared for the intense pain that came along with just "checking".  "Checking" sounds so normal and pain-free... they need to change this term to something more like, "Someone completely violating you by putting their entire hand in your body and squirming it around for what feels like til the end of time, maybe tugging on a rib or two and moving your entire insides around in your body and just coming up with a number for the fun of it."  SO - I close my eyes and wait to hear the news that I am a "failure to progress patient" and that they would be prepping my operating room  right away.

I heard him say it.  And I couldn't believe it.  I opened my eyes thinking I was SURELY in a dream and the Nubain was still working its way out of my system.  I asked him, "What?" and he said it again.  I was right at the cusp of 8 cm.  I was shocked.  I wish I could describe in words how I felt but I'm afraid it's impossible.  I had progressed!  I HAD PROGRESSED!  Who ever said being honest with God was a bad idea is crazy... I mean - he knew what I was feeling anyway... but I of course made amends with Him and gave him ALL the praise and glory for allowing me to progress!

After having a mini celebration with Chris, my mom and Jessica (who had come back after work to be with me) I started getting "real" and told him I was ready for my epidural.  Doctor Tate just sort of looked at me like I was crazy.  "Now?!?!?!" is what I heard him say.  "After going through more than 24 hours of labor on your own with minimal drugs and NO epidural?"  I gave him a blank stare, like, UM, YES!  DUH!  I told him I was deathly afraid of pushing a baby out with no drugs and I was not really prepared to do it drug free.  He had already told me about the advantages of the paracervical block in his office a few weeks before, and I had researched it quite a bit, but the one thing that kept hearing over and over in my head is "the block can wear off after 30 minutes or so and you are not guaranteed to have any pain relief during pushing."  Okay - next cue for panic attack.  I kept looking at Chris with as big of eyes as I could manage - pleading with him to back me up on this.  Chris got the hint and took over to argue my case for an epidural.  The "argument" lasted about 20 minutes... I guess I should just say it was an argument in MY head.  Tate was completely calm and cool during the entire conversation and he did keep saying, "I WILL give you an epidural, Hillary, if that's what you really want, BUT.... blah blah blah..."  I remember thinking, "Ok - I'll hold off on the epidural..." then right about that time I got another really intense contraction and I look at Tate in the eyes said I wanted my epidural NOW.  When he explained that I first needed 2 bags of fluids in me, and the anesthesiologist was in a surgery right now so it would be up to an hour before I could get it... I decided to give the paracervical block another thought or two.  Tate just couldn't believe that I would want to go through the craziness of an epidural when I had lasted ALL day without it.  He said that he thought my goal in this entire labor was to go as drug free as possible.  Chris quickly informed him that our ONE and MAIN goal (besides having a healthy baby and mommy) was to have this baby vaginally.  And the reason I had declined the epidural all day was because I was afraid it would slow things down and I wouldn't progress.  He kept saying that he really just couldn't believe that I would want an epidural when I was literally minutes away from possibly meeting this baby.  I closed my eyes and prayed... prayed hard... and the words of my good friend Chelsea rang through my head.  Chels had her baby a few weeks prior (with an epidural) but assured me that pushing was the most amazing feeling and that she wanted to push babies out for a living.  I also thought about my friend Kristin who had had her baby one month before.  She had a 100% drug free labor in her home and she ended up pushing for more than four hours in every position possible to have her 9 pound baby, Tanner.  After about 20 minutes of "arguing" with Doctor Tate, and about my 10th desperate prayer to my Heavenly Father, I honestly just got a sudden peace about it.  I told Tate that I would try his paracervical block, but I wanted to go ahead and be hooked up to fluids in case I ended up not progressing any further and I had time to get an epidural.  I also wanted some instant relief which would come with the paracervical block - at least a little relief... obviously not as much that would come with an epidural.  Within a few minutes, he had given me the block and he also broke my water.  He was worried that since I had been in labor for so long that my uterus would start to tire - especially at the site of my c-section incision - so even though he is NOT a fan of breaking water on patients - he was more concerned with making sure I could have this baby vaginally.  So he made my water break - but not as much water as I thought would come out did but I hopped off of the bed as quickly as possible to start working my butt off to move the baby down a bit further.  Chris' mom and dad showed up as soon as I got off of the bed and they sat with us and chatted for a few minutes. By this point, I wanted all the distractions I could get... the more company the merrier!  I could still feel my contractions, there was no doubt about it, and each one started to get more and more intense.  I was bouncing my booty off on the exercise ball, and I think I did a few deep squats as well.  Well, the contractions were closer and closer together... within a few minutes of each other... and I started to feel like I was losing my breath in between each one.  I wasn't able to get the 3-4 minutes of rest I had so heavily relied on for the past 24 hours to get ready for the next 60 second contraction.  Each one got more and more intense and with one I actually felt pressure and the need to push the biggest poop I could ever imagine out.  I kept that feeling to myself at the time... then the next one came on right after it.  Again - I felt pressure and a major poop needing to escape.  After the contraction was over, I opened my eyes and looked right at Chris and told him I needed to poop.  He sort of smiled and said to wait for the next one to see if I felt it again.  Well, before he could even finish his sentence and I could tell him that I had already felt the urge with 2 contractions before it, the next contraction was on and it was stronger than the one before.  And then I felt it.  The baby dropped.  Low.  And I mean L-O-W.  And I felt like I was peeing all over myself.  Well guess what - I looked down and there was a cascading waterfall of clear fluid gushing down the exercise ball.  I frantically grabbed Chris' hand and announced to the room that water was gushing out of me.  Poor Mr. Hull.  Chris' dad was sitting right across from me enjoying the conversation that I had excused myself from about 3 minutes before when the poop feeling started to come along.  He held the straightest face I have ever seen, stood up and before I even finished my sentence about water coming out of me, he was OUT the door.  Then I heard Chris' sweet mom's voice, "Well, Hillary, who do you want in the room?"  To be honest, I had thought about this a lot in previous weeks.  I had considered allowing my mom and Chris' mom in the room with us, but for some reason the first thing that left my mouth was, "CHRIS!!!!!!"  The next thing I knew, my mom, Jess and Chris' mom had left and Chris had called the nurse to come in.  She called Doc T in right away and he meandered on in - still fully suited up in his dress shirt and tie - hands in his pockets - just as calm and collected as can be.  He started talking about how he was watching Criminal Minds and what a great show it was when I interrupted him and told him I had water gushing out of me.  He asked if I wanted to be checked.  Um.  YES!  NOW!  So he calmly tells me to hop up on the bed.  He sits next to me and grabs my foot and gently places it up on his chest.  He told Chris to go to the other side of the bed and put my other leg up on his chest as well.  My knees are up by my ears right now... How's that visual?  He checks me and the baby is RIGHT there.  READY to come out.  OK - start panic attack numero dos.  I could feel EVERYTHING.  I was about to have this baby - and I was going to feel everything.  After 30 seconds of an inner panic attack, I felt an even more strong poop contraction come along and knew that I had to get that "poop" out of me as soon as possible.  Doctor Tate looked at Chris and then at me and explained how I needed to start pushing and how he wanted me to do it.  Chris' face got sort of white and he asked, "Um - push what out?  A baby?"  I wanted to absolutely kick Chris in the head.  I won't even begin to say the words that came into my head of what I wanted to say after he said that.  I know I somehow refrained from saying them out loud - probably because I couldn't talk anymore - but I will assure you that about 50 words that I NEVER say out loud were going through my head faster than you can say the first 4 letter word that comes to your mind.  Tate told me he wanted me to just give a few good pushes to get the head fully engaged.  The baby had also completely turned sunny side up (hence the back labor I had been experiencing whenever lying on my back in bed that day) and he needed to try to turn the baby as soon as possible so that "it" could move down to the right position to push.  Well, two pushes later, the baby completely cork screwed down and was in the absolute perfect position to come out of me.  Tate said that I was ready and I closed my eyes and the next thing I knew, 5 residents were surrounding me, a nurse was taking my fluids out since I obviously wouldn't be getting an epidural now (FREAKING OUT NOW), and Tate was telling me exactly what I needed to do to push this baby out.  I kept repeating his instructions in my head.   "Pull my thighs into my forehead, Try to touch my chin to my chest, DON'T push Tate and Chris away with my feet which were both perched up on their chests, and push RIGHT where one of the residents had her fingers (um - right where I was feeling the urge to POO!)"  My mind was in complete shock.  This baby was about to be here.  This baby - who up to this point had no name, no gender associated with it, was about to be in my arms.  I just remember praying non stop.  With the next contraction, I started pushing.  And HOLY MOLY - I have no idea if I thought about Chelsea in that moment, but good grief - that girl is crazy if she wants to push babies out for a living.  It's a GOOD thing my contractions were one after another because if I had had time to re-think this whole thing I would have DEMANDED an epidural.  I have NEVER squeezed so hard in my life - I could actually feel my eyeballs popping out of my head (I had a nice popped blood vessel in my left eye for 3 weeks to prove it.)  After about 10 minutes and 5-6 good pushes, I heard Tate say, "Wow - look at all that hair!"  Then I heard all 5 of the residents exclaim the SAME exactly thing... "Holy crap - look at that hair!"  "Oh my goodness - all that hair - there's so much!"  Etc Etc Etc Etc......  Chris then whispered in my ear, "Babe - that's the most hair I've ever seen on any baby in my entire life."  I never opened my eyes, but very politely (OK maybe not at all) explained to the million people in the room that I was NOT interested in how much hair this child had, but I was exhausted and I needed them to tell me when to push next because I was absolutely unable to think clearly enough to know when to do so.  (I think that thought actually came out as - "SHUT UP AND TELL ME WHEN TO 'FRIGGIN' PUSH!")  I think they all go the point because within a few seconds they were all cheering me on to push.  The idiot resident to my right was about to get knocked to the ground because she was the designated "counter".  Well - let me tell you - I have no idea how she was counting in reality - but at that point in time, she was counting as slow as absolutely possible.  Like - it was taking her about 10 seconds alone just to say the word, "OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNEEEEEEEEEEE."  I literally never made it to the number 10.  Ever.  I think the farthest I ever made it one time was 7 - and the rest of the times I made it to number 5.  After 2-3 pushes of getting her head somewhat out, I would run out of breath and she would go right back inside me.  I heard Tate start to order me to pull my legs in closer to my ears (yes - my knees were basically touching my ears) and to lift my chin down as far as possible and to try not to scream so loud because if I could use the energy I was giving to scream through the pushes, I would have a little more energy to put towards the push.  Well - it happened and I felt her head ALMOST leave my body - then I gave up again - and she went back in.  I started to think this baby was NEVER going to leave my body.  I sort of wanted to give up and ask if we could forget this whole labor thing and I could just go back to being pregnant for a little bit longer.  Tate seemed pleased with my progression in pushes and told me to open my eyes and look at him.  THIS was the LAST thing I wanted to do.  First, I did NOT want to see what was going on down there and I also did NOT want to see all the faces looking down on me and the bright lights from the cieling shining down on all my "glory".  After a few requests (that got more demanding than the one before), Tate got my eyes open and he told me that with the next push, he wanted me to push exactly like the one I had just given, but when he told me to STOP, he wanted me to pant really heavily to slow the push down because he didn't want the baby to come out too fast.  Before he could finish this sentence the next contraction was here and I did as I was told... except I heard him say "stop" but I did NOT want to!  After I heard him scream STOP for the third time, I did as I was told, but also felt possibly the worst feeling any woman can imagine feeling.  Yeah.  I felt it all.  I felt myself tear.  I'll stop there because the next contraction was here already it was time to REALLY push the rest of the baby out.  I think it took me 2 more pushes to get the shoulder blades out, then the rest of the body.  THAT was the most amazing feeling ever.  The doctor let Chris announce the sex and I heard him say, "Um.... it's.... aaaaa...." then I heard silence.  My eyes were still closed.  I was waiting for it.  Then I heard him say... "Um... it's.  It's.  It's.  A.  GIRL????  Hillary - it's a girl!  We have a little girl!  It's a girl!"  I remember just lying there - thinking - SERIOUSLY?!  I was in shock - complete shock.  I could NOT believe it was a girl!  They immediately laid her down on my chest and left the cord attached.  We laid there - still a part of one another.  I immediately tried to get her to breastfeed, but I could tell something was a little off - she wasn't really able to breathe really well.  Her color was amazing so I wasn't too concerned, but she still wasn't "right".  I still held on to her for about 3 minutes.  I remember Chris taking my picture but I was SO in shock and SO in awe of this precious baby, I couldn't take my eyes off of her.  (Also didn't think to cover up my breast so that Chris could take a picture of us I could actually show people.  Oh well.) They clamped her cord and handed the scissors to Chris to cut it and he jumped right in to take advantage of that moment.  (Something he had said a few days earlier he wasn't really interested in doing!  Ha!)  They took her away and ended up having to use a little suction vacuum to get all the "birth stuff" out of her nose and mouth to which she IMMEDIATELY was breathing better and let us ALL know it by screaming the ABSOLUTE loudest cry I've ever heard.  Even Doctor Tate said a comment on the volume of her cry!

Little did I know, my mom and Chris' mom were just outside the delivery room popping some popcorn in the microwave and they heard the cry and they, of course, started FREAKING out!  Too bad they didn't realize it would be another hour before Chris could leave my side to come tell them the "news"!  Anyway, back INSIDE the delivery room... I was completely DONE.  I have to be honest, I had been looking SO forward to those few moments with the baby on my chest for so long... and it wasn't really all that I thought it would be.  I think I was just in so much pain and so totally exhausted, and TOTALLY in shock that it was a GIRL, that my mind just couldn't mentally grasp what was happening.  After they took her away and she started crying, I turned my attention back to all the people standing over me and I heard my doctor tell me it was time to deliver the placenta.  I thought, OK - take it on out Doc!   Be my guest! Then I pretty much wanted to punch him in the nose when he told me I had to push.  AGAIN.  I THOUGHT I WAS DONE PUSHING HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I knew I didn't have to push very hard, but he was telling me I still had to push a little!  And I didn't want to even do that!  I drew in a deep breath and pushed one last measly push and out came the biggest glob of glub I've ever seen.  I reminded the doctor about the fact that he had at one time in my pregnancy thought I may have a separate piece of placenta in there.  He said he was about to double check and I wanted to punch myself in the nose for reminding him.  It felt like he reached up to my rib cage and yanked on my heart a few times then decided I definitely didn't have any other separate placentas.  OK - THAT was painful.  But it was over... the painful part was over, right?  Then - I heard him start talking about the stitching.  I wasn't too worried about it - no one ever talks about the stitching being too painful.  Well.  Yeah.  Most people have FREAKING EPIDURALS during the stitching part.  Guess who didn't?  Yeah - that would me.  The big dummy.  I HONESTLY can say that the stitching was just about equal to pushing the baby out painful.  Doctor Tate was allowing a resident to do the stitching and he was telling her exactly where and what to do - but it was taking her FOREVER.  I NEVER thought it was going to end.  Chris kept bringing me cold wash cloths to help keep me cool and to help with the pain  and help keep my mind off of it but I could not stop screaming at the pain.  Doc T insisted he was inserting local anesthetic and I shouldn't be feeling it as much as I was claiming BUT.  I.  FELT.  EVERYTHING.  I felt EVERY single time the needle came in and out and I felt EVERY single pull of the thread.  I.  WANTED.  TO.  DIE.  That was SO incredibly painful - I can't even tell you.  After about 45 minutes of stitching, it was done.

It was done.

Finally.

They cleaned me all up and handed me my precious baby GIRL back in my arms.

The nurse cleaning out her air passageways while I was being stitched.

 Tate teaching a few of the remaining residents in the labor and delivery room how to stitch... Something I will definitely request that Tate do himself with my next labor...

This is when she let us all hear her beautiful cry.

 Caroline's and my first picture together!  This was taken after I was stitched and cleaned up - but before we left the delivery room.

 Me and my fabulous Dr. Tate!

I just remember praising God for this healthy miracle in my arms.  I was moved to tears, praying that every woman who wanted to could experience this one day... the feeling is perfect and wonderful.  And I LOVED the fact that God created this little girl in my body.  And that my body nourished it for 40 weeks.  And that my body knew exactly when to start pushing it out.  I didn't need any medicine to help things along.  I didn't TELL my body when to start having contractions.  It just did.  The entire process was AMAZING.  I thought about the entire day I had just experienced and I couldn't think of one thing I'd change.  God had blessed me with the ability to push a baby out - naturally.  Maybe a little more naturally than I had planned, but it was perfect.  I loved the fact that my doctor patiently waited all night and all day to allow my body to labor exactly how it was supposed to.  As I thought about all of this, Chris came back over to me and I looked at her, then back up at him and said, I think this is Caroline Grace.  He smiled at me then said, "Hi Caroline Grace.."  I knew it at the moment that that was her name - no doubt.  She was here.  And she was perfect.  And she did have a BUNCH of hair!  I couldn't get over how much more pretty she was than Parker!  Parker looked like he had come out of a boxing match after my surgery... Caroline looked like a perfect little princess.  And her eyes - oh my goodness - her eyes - were ABSOLUTELY beautiful.  They were Chris' eyes - through and through - and I loved that.  They were dark and absolutely wonderful.

 In my wheelchair - on my way to our hospital room!  Look at how absolutely perfect she is.  What a miracle.

I took this while laying in bed after they came in and gave her her first bath in our room... I just laid in bed pretty much all night staring at her beautiful face - trying to get over the fact that we had a GIRL!

Here are a few pictures from the rest of our stay at the hospital... which was as SHORT as possibly possible because Emory is NOT Northside and maybe a little scary.  There was actually a FIGHT that broke out in the waiting room outside where we were!  Emory was the only "downside" to this entire process.

Jess came to visit us both mornings we were there!

Yeah - this is the look of a mommy on Percoset....

Chris was on diaper changing duty since the thought of getting out of bed for anything except going to the bathroom was NOT happening for me.  So - my recovery was pretty horrible.  I had NO idea I'd be in THAT much pain!  I still stand by my word that it's NOTHING compared to a c-section pain - but it is still NO walk in the park for sure!

We allowed Parker to announce to the family the next morning after Caroline's birth, the name of our sweet baby girl!  My mom was there, both of Chris' parents, and my sister, Whitney was there, too.  I have video of it - will post in another blog - maybe tomorrow.... For now - here are a few cute pictures... My definition of love is spelled out in these pictures... I had no idea I could love this much.