Welcome to parenthood, mommy!

I knew it would happen... I know I shouldn't be suprised... but I still am!  Parker has been SO healthy for the past 5 and a half months of his life and I have been toting my head high - blaming it all on the fact that he is only fed breast milk and mine of course has super natural powers that keeps my precious boy from getting sick! 

Well, it happened.  Sunday afternoon began with a slightly runny nose... Sunday evening began with a fussy feeding... and Sunday night at midnight started with the most gut-wrenching screams coming from my little boy's bedroom.  We had only been in bed for 30 minutes or so - and I honestly really wasn't sure what to do.  I was still in the hazy twilight sleep and part of me just figured he woke himself up doing a dance he likes to do in his sleep with his feet - but another pat of me was FREAKING out because Parker has NOT woken up in the middle of the night since he was about 7 weeks old. 

After walking into his room to give him his paci - which I was SURE was all he needed - his gut-wrenching cry turned into a very, very different cry than I have ever, ever heard before.  I scooped him up to check all the "vitals".  Clean diaper - check.  Fingers and toes and "other" body parts clear of my long stringy hairs wrapped around them (this happens more often than you can imagine.) - check.  Check his temperature - check - no fever!  WHAT IN THE WORLD!  All this time - his terrible cry I've never experieced before was getting worse and about 3 seconds into checking his temperature for the 2nd time, dada comes to the rescue. 

I felt hopeless.  I knew that breast feeding him would probably solve the problem immediately, but it was not time to be fed yet (still 7 hours away!) and soothing my baby with food when he's not even hungry isn't really a habit I'd like to begin. And I knew once he finished snacking (if he even would), he would probably still be in pain with whatever was hurting him!  I knew he could probaby smell my milk though - and it wasn't helping the situation - so I backed away and let dada do the consoling. 

I stood at the doorway watching them and as tears filled my eyes I watched my sweet husband console his precious son in only a way a dada can.  I had never heard my precious son cry like that before - and never before had I felt so helpless.  After 20-30 minutes, dada was finally able to put him back in the crib without hearing his terrible scream and he came back to bed.  I think I got about 20 minutes of sleep because I was basically STARING at his video monitor by my bed all night long.  And every waking moment was spent in prayer to my sweet Savior that Parker was OK and that he wasn't in any pain.  He woke up only 2 or 3 more times and each time was consolable with just a paci in his mouth and back to sleep he fell - but oh my goodness.  That precious, precious child. 

Of course I realize how TRULY blessed we are - EVERY SINGLE DAY - to have such a wonderful blessing in our family - but I never realized exactly HOW MUCH I loved him until I saw him physically hurting and there was nothing I could do to help him. My heart PHYSICALLY ached for him and I wanted so badly to make everything better for him.  I wanted to magically KNOW what was wrong and make it all better for him.  I am very able to admit that I really have no idea what I'm doing when it comes to parenting.... but never before had I felt so stupid and vulnerable for having no idea what to do.  This is one of the big lessons of being a new mommy.. I don't and won't know all the answers.... ever.  "Welcome to parenthood, mommy!"