6 Months

October 14, 2009

Dear Parker,

Today is your six month birthday. 

I think back to last August (2008) when I found out you were in my tummy and I remember crying for nearly a week straight.  In fact, I cried so hard the day I found out I was pregnant with you, my cell phone completely broke because it was so tear-logged.  I had to rush to go get a new phone!  If only I would have known how incredibly awesome life would be with you, my reaction would have been MUCH different.  But I didn't know.  I was SCARED!  Your daddy and I had only been married a little over a year, daddy was still in school, we didn't feel grounded yet at all, we were renting a tiny home in Smyrna, we didn't have any money saved up,  and we did not think we were fit to be good parents yet!  I knew that one day I would want to be a mommy, but I did not think I was old enough, mature enough or good enough to bring a life into my world. 

I questioned God a lot those first few days I knew you were inside my tummy.  I had a friend at church, Lori, who had been trying to have a baby for YEARS and she had gone through so much to try and have a baby.  ALL she wanted was to be a mommy.  And here I was, crying and upset that God had chosen to give you to me - with no trouble at all - and here was Lori - who was ready and willing - and He hadn't given her that one void in her life yet.  (Quick update on that - Lori gave birth just a few weeks ago to a precious little girl!)

Oh, Parker, if only you could realize how much you changed my life in an instant.  A few days after we found out you were only 8  months (which ended up only being 7 months!) from joining our lives, I began to realize what a true blessing you were.  I handed my life, your daddy's life, and your life over in God's hands and told him I trusted him fully to take care of us.   And did he ever!  The few things we were most worried about - after we handed them all to God - were taken care of - above and beyond what we could have imagined.

Just a few MINUTES after you were born!  We called you Rocky for the first few hours because you looked like you had been in a boxing match!  And you had been!  With my PELVIC BONE!  :)

A few months down the road, we found our PERFECT dream house that we could afford to build - and thanks to our wonderful family - we were able to scrape up enough money to find a way to afford it.   Child care - which was a CONSTANT worry for us and how we would ever be able to afford it - was solved in an instant when your incredibly generous Aunt Whitney and Uncle Doug offered to share their nanny with us.  Our cars - which are both nearing their 10 year birthdays - have been HANGING in there with no major repairs needed.   And our 3rd dog, Harlee Jane (who we had been fostering several months before we found out you were coming) was adopted out to an INCREDIBLE home and family. 

Just me and you, bud, hanging out just an hour or so after you were born!  Mommy was SO tired!  And you were so sweet!

God had EVERYTHING planned out perfectly for us - I just had to re-learn (like I do so often when I forget) to fully trust him and give everything to him in order to allow him to bless us with our OVER FLOWING blessings. 

Looking MUCH better the day after you were born!  You went from 'Rocky' to 'Super Baby Model'!  I posted this picture on my facebook page and I got SO many comments from friends who just said you were absolutely the most beautiful baby they had ever seen!  I must agree!  :)

Parker - you are the best thing that can possibly come from two people.  You are a perfect creation and you honestly make my life more wonderful and more enjoyable every day.  As soon as I walk into your nursery every morning and see your PRECIOUS smiling face looking up at me, I can't help but fall in love with you more and more every moment. 

I had no idea it was possible to love another human the way I love you.  It's almost like I can come a little bit closer to understanding God's love for me - his perfect creation - his child.  And it makes me want to give my life to God every day - in never-ending praise and thanks to him for GIVING his son up - to allow him to die on a cross as a punishment for my sins that I comit every day.  How heart-wrenching to even think of giving you up - ever - for anyone!  For any reason!   To know that God's love is so much bigger than what I feel for you - is amazing. 

This was taken the day after we took you home from the hospital - which was also your daddy's 28th birthday!  You snoozed the entire time in your bouncy seat.  Today - at 6 months you BARELY fit in your bouncy seat! 

Parker - you have AWESOME role models to look up to.  I pray you turn out to be just like your daddy, your Hoppy and your Papa - all of who are incredible Christian men.  I pray that you will follow in their footsteps always. 

I know that you won't always be perfect. And I know that you will disappoint me time and time again - but you could NEVER do ANYTHING to make me love you less. 

You are amazing.  And I thank God for you EVERY day.  I love you.

Love, Mommy