We just found out!

Chris and I found out we were pregnant yesterday... September 2, 2008 around 5:00 p.m. I realized I was just a few days late for my cycle so I stopped by the drug store while I was out running errands for work and bought a test - more to just calm my nerves than anything. I figured I would take the test later that evening or maybe sometime the next day. Well, when I got back to work, I was just glancing through my calendar and I realized I was more than few days late. I was exactly a week late. This was very strange and so I just decided to go into the bathroom at work and take the test. I had to calm my nerves. Well, two beautiful little lines showed up within 3 seconds of taking the lovely test. (By the way - someone has GOT to come up with a better way to take a pregnancy test.) I began to pray right away and asked God to help me through this. My mouth went dry, tears welled up in my eyes and immediately left work. I called Chris and told him to go home right that second because something was wrong. I was in shock. My legs and arms were shaking uncontrollably - probably not the safest form to drive home in traffic - but I got in my car and called my sister, Whitney. She didn't answer so I called again. And again. She texted me and said she was in a meeting so I texted her back and told her to leave her meeting and call me. About 2 seconds later, she called, and I broke the news. "I'm pregnant", I said. And everything that was inside of me was immediately let loose and I was BAWLING uncontrollably. Again - probably not the safest way to drive home from work in traffic. She tried to calm me down and it worked. I managed to stop crying about 5 miles into traffic and I made it home safely where I then took another test. Surely the other one was wrong, right? Well, it wasn't wrong. Again - within about 2 seconds of taking the test, 2 beautiful lines appeared before me. I was in shock. I tried to pick up my phone to call Whitney and tell her the 2nd test was positive but I guess I had cried too many tears into my phone because it was not working at all. I waited for Chris to come home and as soon as he walked in, I told him. "Nu-uh" was his immediate response. "How?", he asked. "I DON'T KNOW!" Again, the tears begin to pour.

Now some of you may wonder why Chris asked "How?".... well... let's just stay that Chris and I have been using pretty much every measure possible to make sure that we would not get pregnant. And I'll just leave it at that.

Also - some of you may wonder why I was so upset. Here are some of my thoughts on that..... If you know me - I am a planner. I plan everything in my life. And I do not like surprises. At all. Need I remind you my 25th birthday party surprise? This was probably the most UNPLANNED thing I've ever experienced as well as the BIGGEST surprise I've ever experienced. It was a lot to fall on me in the matter of a few hours. I'm 25 years old and I still feel like a CHILD in so many ways. Why in the world would God want me to be a parent? Chris is still in school for at least a year and a half. He makes enough money to pay for about 2 bills. My job is great, but barely pays enough for us to live comfortably, much less enough money to provide for a CHILD. I am not prepared, I have no parenting skills, we do not own a home, we do not own a very reliable car to transport a new life around, and I am WAY too selfish to put a baby before me. I am being completely honest here. I had just been on a diet for the past month where I was ALMOST to my goal weight and now I am going to be pregnant and fat. Yes - I KNOW how ridiculous that sounds and how selfish that sounds.... BUT this is what was going through my head and it just made me feel VERY unfit to be a mother. What kind of mother would be worried about getting fat? I should be rejoicing and excited. I think I'll get there... just give me a few days. Or weeks...

We also have several different friends who are just trying every possible way to have a baby right now. And they cannot. Why does God want to give me a child when I don't feel ready for one - but he won't give one to our sweet, sweet friends who desperately want one! I just don't understand.

Chris was REALLY excited and REALLY happy about our news. I KNOW that I will be in a few days... I think I'm just still in shock for the fact that my entire life is going to change... forever. Life will never be the same as I know it now.

We called my parents and his parents and told the news... I couldn't stop crying while on the phone. This is the most scary thing I have ever experienced. There is a LIFE forming in my belly. A LIFE that I am soley responsible for. A LIFE that has been given to me as a precious blessing from God. I read today that a little heart, bones and spinal cord are beginning to develop inside of me. WHAT?!?!

Well - I got absolutely no sleep Tuesday night - I stared at the ceiling and thought about how our life has just changed from everything I thought it would be.

I know that this is meant to be - it's a miracle - it's the life God has chosen for us. And I am excited. I'm just scared. But - I DO KNOW that God would not give me anything I cannot handle and He will provide me with the mindset and the way of life that will be the best possible one for this new life I am forming.

"God - please help me through this. Help me to know that I am able to do this. That Chris and I are able to do this together. Lord, form me into a selfless woman of God and a woman that will make you smile upon me. Help us to keep our lives and our baby's life healthy and safe. Help us make the decisions we need to in the next few months to start our life on this new path you have chosen for us.

God - thank you for my friends and family who are ALL 100% supportive of us and our baby. Thank you for our precious parents who love us and will always be there to support us in any way we need. Thank you for blessing me with this miracle inside of my body and for choosing me to be the mother of this child.

God - thank you for my husband. For being the most supportive man to me through all of this. Thank you for his father who has shown him how to be a good father and thank you for choosing Chris to be the father of my baby.

Lord - my Heavenly father - thank you for dying on the cross so that I may live the life I do.

I love you Lord - and I praise you for everything you've given to me. Especially this precious gift inside fo me." Amen.